What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
