apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
