The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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