just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
