i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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