I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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