small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
