is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
