I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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