you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
