youre lurking in front of me
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
