Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
