**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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