I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
