even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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