Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
