dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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