I look better un-naked...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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