My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
