Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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