They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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