We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
