I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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