You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
