i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
