all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
