sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
