My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize