He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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