Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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