you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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