Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
