mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
