Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Randomize