Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
