oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
