Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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