I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
