Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize