stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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