The maid of honor just puked.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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