No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
