too bad you live with your parents still
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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