i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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