Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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