there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
