just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
