Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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