Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
