Got a toothbrush?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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