The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
