I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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