found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
