32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
