Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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