so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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