We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
