I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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