Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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