i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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