You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
