Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
