I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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