You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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