i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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