My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
