I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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