I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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