Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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