Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
